How to Be Likable

In my building, there’s a rooftop deck sparsely equipped with a grill, a picnic table nearby, some shrubs that never seem to be in bloom, and a green bench positioned with its back facing the grilling area about 20 feet away.

Several years ago when I went to the roof for a smoke, I met an impressive young man. A very likable person. Let’s call him Maxim.

He was with a friend. They were sitting at the picnic table, talking while their dinner was cooking on the grill.

I sat on the bench – a good distance away from where they were. 

Not long after I lit my cigarette, though, Maxim came by to say hello. After a short exchange of niceties he invited me to join them.

“Oh, no, that’s okay. Thank you.”

“No, no, please. Please. Come join us.” 

His invitation was so sincere that I did end up joining him and his friend at the picnic table. 

We talked for hours, and I remember being so impressed by Maxim’s people skills. The guy had charisma.

He had a way of making me, a perfect stranger, feel at ease. I liked him.

How did he do that? What qualities did he demonstrate that made me like him so quickly?

A guiding principle to keep in mind is that people in general like to feel special, appreciated and acknowledged. Likable people have very good interpersonal skills and know how to make others around them feel good in their presence. And they accomplish this in various ways  – through words, action, and body language. 

These are just some of the qualities that likable people have:

1.They like you. They really, really like you!

Likable people really like people. They show a genuine interest in people and enjoy their company.

Look at how Maxim went out of his way to say hello to me and to invite me to join him and his friend at the picnic table. He didn’t have to do that. 

2. Likable people give out good vibes

Maxim, who was a third-year university student, told me about a sixty-something-year-old woman he had met while he was on vacation. “Everyone wanted to hang out with her all the time; she was so much fun.”

This woman loved people and drew people to her. It seems that likable people have this charisma about them; they emit an energy that says You are welcome here. I am glad to know you.

Who wouldn’t want to be in the presence of someone who made you feel that way?

3. Likable people make you feel listened to

When having a conversation, likable people give you their undivided attention. They establish good eye contact and show you through their body language that they are genuinely curious to know your perspective. 

I remember Maxim’s body language during our conversation. After asking me a question, he would lean forward slightly with an eager expression on his face in anticipation of my response. 

With just his body language, he showed me that he was present and made me feel acknowledged.

4. Likable people are polite

After hours of conversing on a chilly night, it was time to go home. In the elevator, before stepping out, Maxim turned to me and, with that likable sincerity of his, he said, “It was very nice meeting you.”

Thank you, Maxim. It was very nice meeting you too.